Crouch named comedy king for ‘virgin’ quip

England footballer Peter Crouch was named the funniest man in British sport, topping a poll out on Thursday of the best one-liners and comedy football moments of all time.

The gangly Tottenham striker was asked “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?”.

Crouch quipped: “A virgin”.

The six feet, seven inches tall forward also topped a separate poll of the funniest men in British sport, with 24 percent voting for his 2006 “robot dance” premiered after scoring for England in a pre-World Cup friendly match.

BBC commentator John Motson won the best sporting gaffe vote for stating: “For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.”

British ski jumper Eddie “the Eagle” Edwards’ woeful efforts at the 1988 Winter Games was voted the funniest Olympic moment of all time.

Motor racing’s Murray Walker was voted the wittiest commentator, followed by Motson.

US boxing legend Muhammad Ali was voted the biggest sports personality in the world, with boxer Frank Bruno topping the domestic poll.

The poll of 2,000 respondents was commissioned for a new Sky television panel show.

Top five sporting one-liners:

1. Asked what he would be if he wasn’t a footballer, Peter Crouch replied “a virgin”.

2. “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars; the rest I just squandered” — Manchester United hero George Best

3. Referring to footballers’ wives and girlfriends, “I don’t know where they will stay, it’s not my concern. I’m hoping there will be a virus” — England manager Fabio Capello

4. British boxer Chris Eubank made his first flamboyant leap over the top rope into the ring. The late commentator Reg Gutteridge told viewers: “The ego has landed”.

5. “I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and got into bed before the room was dark” — Muhammad Ali